Thursday was the last Chemo.
She is still taking a chemo med orally to help make sure it stays away. What has happened in the last year and a half has changed us all. We have learned to take each day and appreciate it. We have learned that we sometimes do things that we don’t think we will do to protect our own soul. Cancer sucks. These things we do to protect ourselves, I hate them. I hate that sometimes I couldn’t remove myself and do what she needed me to do. I hate that feeling of regret, or time passing and you can only watch it happen as if you are frozen or somehow outside your own body and mind. This is not what I would have imagined. I have questioned God. So Many Times. I am still struggling with Him. They say, “trust Him” or “there’s a reason” or “have faith” or the list goes on and on and on. There is no making sense of what happens in life sometimes. These has permeated through my life in these months. I question a lot. I feel alone a lot. I am left with not feeling good enough…. to understand…. to have the outcome I desire…. to be worthy of such peace. Maybe tomorrow.